


but i've been lost for so many days

by orphan_account



Series: venting thru awsten [4]
Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Love, Fluff, Healing, Hugging, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kissing, Love, M/M, Music, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Recovery, Road Trips, Romance, Running Away, Safety, awsten is me, kinda a vent ig but not, past self harm, snuggle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 16:35:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14698107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: if geoff had ever laid his dark brown eyes upon an angel, he’d found one. he’d found one in the form of the small, pastel pink haired boy curled up on the bar stool with a mug of hot chocolate





	but i've been lost for so many days

**Author's Note:**

> stay safe loves, check tags for triggers please <3

**_“ on the interstate, i don't know morning from dark,_ **

**_the kindness of strangers_ **

**_and the strangeness of everyone i know,_ **

**_has just fucked with my heart ”_ **

* * *

****if geoff had ever laid his dark brown eyes upon an angel, he’d found one. he’d found one in the form of the small, pastel pink haired boy curled up on the bar stool with a mug of hot chocolate (which was bizarre for the bar in this small town) cupped between shaking, bruised hands.

god, he wasn’t even supposed to be here, in colorado, he’d run out of gas and didn’t wanna sleep in his car for the night so had booked a hotel with the little money he had. winters in colorado were always too-cold for geoff. the snow was frosty on the tarmac of the worn highways, snowflakes made his face feel too-cold, his hands numb.

geoff’s boyfriend had screamed at him to get out, not before staining his face with bruises and marks and handprints and shattering his heart with venomous words. geoff didn’t know what had happened, he just knew he had to go. and so he had composed a quick text to his mother, who was always worried sick about her little boy, her little boy who fell for the wrong man. he told her he was leaving and that he loved her and that he was sorry, that he was so fucking sorry.

* * *

the boy’s glass of whiskey was cool against his calloused palms and fingertips, rough and worn from playing guitar for too-long. he could still feel his hands around his throat as he hit him over and over and over and over. and then geoff was hyperventilating because he couldn’t breathe and his whiskey had ruined his shirt fuck he needed to tidy up but he can’t move he can’t move he cant-

“excuse me sir,” a small voice whispered, making the tornado of blurriness and panic stop. “are you okay?” geoff opened his eyes. it was the pastel boy. he opened his mouth, he found the words weren’t working and so he simply shook his head and turned his sad sad eyes to the speckled, aging wood of the floor.

“you gotta breathe for me, okay?” his voice was like the pinks and oranges of a sunset. soothing and beautiful all at once.

inhale. exhale. inhale. exhale. “there we go bro, there we go.”

geoff looked to the blue-eyed boy, his eyes were oceans, raging and smashing against the dark brown rocks of his own. “thank you.”

* * *

geoff’s voice was louder than the pastel boy expected. the smaller pressed small hands to throbbing ears, whimpering and shaking his head because it was too-loud, it was far too-loud. “he’s not here he’s not here he’s not here.” he choked on a sob, he couldn’t cry, not now not now not now.

geoff saw the younger’s shaking body and shushed him gently, knowing not to touch since the boy clearly avoided physical contact at all cost, with the way he was curled in on himself and facing away from the brunette. “hey hey shush shush it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay.”

and the pastel boy did something very rare, he ran into geoff’s arms without flinching away from his touch. he hung onto the stranger for dear life as he cried and he cried and he cried.

* * *

“what’s your name?” geoff spoke carefully, not wanting to make the sad boy even sadder.

“um, awsten, im- im awsten.” the pastel boy stuttered.

the name suited pastel boy, geoff smiled to himself, a-w-s-t-e-n. it felt good to say, the way the letters had arranged themselves made geoff’s heart pulse. geoff giggled. “aw-st-en.” he giggled again, overwhelmed with utter happiness by six letters of a pastel boy, no, his pastel boy.

awsten looked up at geoff, shoulders still hunched. he hid his smile behind still-shaking hands and laughed, it wasn’t a fake laugh, it was a real one. and god, awsten hadn’t laughed so hard in forever, he didn’t even know why the elder boy was laughing but his laugh was good and laughter is infectious so he found himself collapsed in giggles.

and then he found himself about to fall off the barstool.

and then he found geoff’s hands on his hips, pulling him back to relative safety.

and awsten didn’t flinch or whimper or scream like he always did with touch.

* * *

geoff’s eyes flashed with fear when he saw the small pastel boy, toppling on the already precarious barstool, so he’d instinctively reached to the boy’s hips and pulled him onto the stool just in time so he wasn’t hurt.

awsten nervously whispered a soft “thank you geoff.”

and geoff knew, fuck, he knew he couldn’t fall in love so soon, so quickly after running away from the man who had taken so much from him. taken his virginity, his first kiss, his will to live, his self-esteem, his everything.

* * *

but there was one thing geoff still had. he had a heart. and that heart was bursting and pulsing and alive, it was fucking alive for the pastel boy in front of him.

the boy with the pastel hair, and the shaking hands, and the soft smell of chocolate on his warm breath, the way he hid his smile as if it were something that shouldn’t be seen, but his smile was such a blessing that it should be seen by all. the boy with the small voice and the ocean blue eyes and the small, red lips. the boy who wore long sleeves to hide the faded lines of pain and hurt and tears geoff had seen after he hastily pulled his sleeves down to cover his secrets again, because no one was meant to see.

awsten had been told all his life, that he was invisible. and the younger had grown to believe it. he’d believed it when the bad, scary, evil had touched him when he was 6 and ignored the child’s tearful protests and cries. he’d believed it when the evil had come into his room during the dark dark night and rubbed the child in places where no child should ever be touched by an adult and awsten had had to hold his breath, because he would kill awsten if he made even the slightest sound.

* * *

and so awsten pretended.

but he didn’t pretend with geoff, because this stranger, a stranger he felt like he’d known forever was the reality he’d always wanted.

you see, awsten had had a lot, a fuckton, taken from him too. but he had the same as geoff. he had a heart. and his little gay heart pumped and burst and danced for the boy with the dark mountain range eyes and the boy with the too-floppy soft hair and the boy with the strong strong hands and love and safety and home at his fingertips.

the boy with the too-floppy hair gently lifted his hands from the younger’s bony hips and stepped back, fearful he’d triggered a flashback or scared the pastel boy.

when he took his hands from awsten’s body, he looked at geoff, sad. “please-please don’t go.” his voice cracked. “everyone goes, please-please don’t go geoff please don’t.”

“is it okay if i hold you?” geoff’s voice was silky and safety and awsten found himself crying again, hiding his tear streaked face behind shaking shaking hands. awsten nodded, trembling. geoff wrapped the small boy tight in his arms, and awsten exhaled. safe. safe. safe. he’d never felt so safe with anyone before. “you’re safe now pastel boy, it’s okay, i won’t leave you, i promise.”

“geoff?” awsten’s voice was small. “what would you say if i liked you?”

geoff stopped breathing for a second. surely awsten didn’t mean that- surely he didn’t surely he’s gotta be fucking with geoff’s mind. “i’d-um i’d say i like you too.” he felt awsten freeze in his arms.

“you do?” awsten was incredulous, how could geoff even put up with him?

“of fucking course, pastel baby, i really really like you.” geoff held aws tighter, protecting him from the evil, keeping him safe from the world.

* * *

geoff was lying on the roof of his car, the cool night air chilled his fingertips, his body, but not his heart. not his heart when the boy who he’d fallen for in a mere few hours was curled up on his chest, his breathing keeping geoff stable.

awsten whimpered in his sleep, and geoff was quick to gently wake the younger up from his nightmares. “aws, aws, shush love, shush, it’s okay.” and with remarkable gentleness, due to his roughened fingertips, he wiped the tears from his baby boy’s eyes, holding him tight and close and safe.

awsten’s eyes were rimmed with tears, his breathing erratic and broken.

“geoff?” the pastel boy whispered.

“yeah baby?” geoff’s voice calmed him over and over again.

he moved closer to his boyfriend, they were on the road now, driving somewhere or nowhere. they didn’t care. they were finally safe.

“would it be okay if i kissed you now?”

geoff nodded, pulling the pastel baby closer.

and awsten kissed him. and geoff kissed awsten back.

and the lost boys weren’t so lost anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> feedback and comments are appreciated, thanks for reading <3


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